Painful Sex: Why Communication Matters & When to Seek Help
February: A Month to Talk About Love & Intimacy
February is the month where we celebrate love, romance, and take the time to cherish our loved ones a little bit more than usual. It’s also the time to reflect on what makes our relationships work and remind ourselves what differentiates a healthy relationship from a toxic one.
A key piece of healthy relationships that many people don’t talk about is sex. Having a sexual relationship takes work and dedication from both parties, and this is especially true when one partner is dealing with pelvic floor dysfunction.
Communication Is Lubrication!
If you’ve never heard that saying before, it’s good to understand what it means!
There are many contributors to what makes for enjoyable and healthy sex, but one of the biggest is having open and honest communication with your partner.
There should be an open dialogue about:
What you like
What you dislike
What your boundaries are
What kind of aftercare you enjoy
What feels comfortable or uncomfortable
Being able to communicate during sex without fear of “ruining the mood”
This communication should be open, honest, and judgment-free.
Being honest with your partner and listening to their needs in return creates a safer sexual environment, which can ultimately lead to better sex and a stronger relationship.
It can be difficult to open up about these things because we are often taught to see conversations about sex as taboo. But it’s important to ask questions and communicate openly. We all have different wants and needs when it comes to sex, so it’s important not to assume that your partner knows what you need—or that you automatically know what they need—without talking about it.
When Pelvic Floor Dysfunction Affects Intimacy
Communication becomes even more important when one or both partners are experiencing pelvic floor dysfunction because it can change the needs of the partner experiencing symptoms.
Pelvic floor dysfunction can contribute to pelvic pain, discomfort with intimacy, muscle tension, urinary or bowel symptoms, and other issues that may affect someone's comfort and confidence during sex.
It’s important for the other partner to understand that pelvic floor dysfunction does not reflect the couple’s compatibility, attraction, or love for one another.
Symptoms are not a reflection of how someone feels about their partner.
How to Be a Good Partner to Someone With Pelvic Floor Dysfunction
Being supportive doesn’t mean having all the answers. Sometimes, simply making your partner feel heard, understood, and supported can make a huge difference.
Do:
Don’t take their symptoms personally.
Don’t make them feel bad about their symptoms or condition.
Encourage them to seek professional help and support them throughout their recovery.
Ask how you can make intimacy more comfortable and pleasurable.
Reassure them that their symptoms don't change how you feel about them.
Communicate openly about boundaries.
Consider counseling if communication or intimacy becomes difficult to navigate together.
Make intimacy fun and enjoyable! Lubricant, toys, foreplay, and exploring forms of intimacy beyond penetration can all help take pressure off and create a more comfortable experience.
Don’t pressure or rush them. Intimacy should be consensual, comfortable, and enjoyable for both partners.
Pelvic Floor Dysfunction Can Be Emotional, Too
It can be emotional, stressful, and draining to experience pelvic floor dysfunction. Pain and discomfort can affect confidence, relationships, and the way someone feels about their own body.
As their partner, it’s important to be a source of love and support.
And if you’re the one experiencing pelvic pain or pelvic floor dysfunction, remember that it’s okay to be honest and upfront about your needs. It may not always feel easy or comfortable to talk about, but working as a team is essential to making intimacy enjoyable for everyone involved.
You Deserve Love, Pleasure & Support
A healthy sex life is difficult to achieve without effective communication. This is especially important if one or both partners are experiencing pelvic pain or pelvic floor dysfunction.
Most importantly, know that there are solutions and that you are worthy of love, intimacy, and pleasure.
At Arancia Physical Therapy, we work with patients every day who experience pelvic pain and pelvic floor dysfunction and help them work toward getting back to the activities and experiences they enjoy—including intimacy.
We also encourage partners to be involved and understand the treatment process so they can be a source of support throughout the healing journey.
If you or someone you know is struggling with pelvic floor dysfunction of any kind, feel free to email us at info@aranciapt.com or call (401) 602-7006 to see if we may be the right fit to help.