How to Overcome Working Mom Guilt

Nov 14

Written By

As a working mother, most of your life will feel like some balancing act, and the decision to go back to work a few months after having your baby is a tough one for most of us. For some, it’s not a matter of choice. Family situations, financial commitments, and the cost of childcare all play a role in our decision to return to work as new mothers. Leaving our child may cause feelings of guilt, making us wonder whether we are failing at our most important job as mothers – raising our kid(s). The guilt is unnecessary and not helpful, but we are all different as mothers, as parents, and as individuals; therefore, affected differently by this back-to-work decision.

So, what is "mom guilt?"

Mom guilt is that feeling of ‘I am not doing enough for my children experienced by mothers. The worry may be that you are not creating enough time for them, not doing right by them, or even making decisions that may negatively affect them in the future.

New mothers are most affected by mom guilt, constantly trying to get to perfection as mothers, and wondering if what they are doing is sufficient. The worry that they may be making a mistake is almost constant, which is counterintuitive to becoming the best mother you can be. Mom guilt is a by-product of an unrealistic expectation of ourselves to be perfect and get everything right.

What is father’s guilt?

We may be wondering whether fathers also get those guilty feelings of ‘am I doing enough as a father?’. The answer is yes! Dad guilt is more common now than it used to be, with more fathers wanting to be involved in their children’s day-to-day life than ever before. Dad guilt may also be because of a dad not being able to provide for their child to their satisfaction or based on a societal standard.

How do you overcome mom guilt and get a balance between work life and mom life?

Do not get into comparisons

Mom guilt is easily caused or exacerbated by comparisons. We feel a little bit more inadequate when we see or imagine that other moms are doing a better job than us.

Extend yourself some grace

There is nothing like a perfect mother! And yet most mothers never give themselves enough credit for all they do. We become way too strict and hard on ourselves, not sitting back to consider what we are doing right.

Do not try to be a superhero

We are only human, and we can easily burn out. The time we have, the energy, and the money are all finite. We must constantly make choices on how to spend them, keeping in mind that our choices must reflect what matters most to us. Attempting to do it all may easily lead to failure.

Be fully present wherever you are

Mom guilt causes us to doubt ourselves and, in the process, self-sabotage. When we are at work, we desperately want to be at home with our child, and when at home, we wonder whether we are doing our best at work. Without meaning to, we are choking the life out of ourselves.

Being able to keep your body and your mind in the same place will be the beginning of being happier with who you are, as you will get more done and appreciate every moment of your life.

Rest up as much as possible

As a new mom, it may be difficult to get the required seven to eight hours of sleep every night. It is important that you try to rest up every opportunity you get, to make up for the time lost at night nursing/feeding the baby. Creating a sleeping schedule for yourself and your little one also helps eliminate the many unnecessary times you must get up at night.

Get the help that you need - You do not have to do it all by yourself. Getting help is not an indication that you are weak or that you have failed as a mother!